As Promised…

Here’s the address to forward your own CCCEs: onacrazychain@gmail.com (Thanks, nosugrefneb!)
And here’s the scoring system, or an embryonic version of it, anyway. It’ll evolve once I get the whole thing up and running, just as it should.

Note: new entries marked with an asterisk.

Form Points awarded for:

-Multiple fonts used

-Multiple colors used

-Multiple type sizes used

-ALL CAPS SHOUTING!

Severe and frequent grammar/spelling/punctuation errors

Netspeak- not so much 1337 as 12-year-old IM-speak “ur” for your/you’re, etc.

Content Points awarded for:

-Graphics, including, but not limited to:
-ascii angels
-animated gifs
-pictures of normal objects that could maybe look like religious symbols if you look fast
and are far-sighted and not wearing reading glasses
-photoshopped pictures, bonus points if the sender obviously doesn’t realize it’s a
manipulated image despite the Worth 1000 watermark in the corner
Precious Moments
Presence of angels in the email’s story

Presence of a dead child in the email’s story

If the email is about someone turning their life around/converting, especially if the person was an atheist, Muslim or gay*

If the email is old and popular enough to have appeared on Snopes

If the email ends with a chain letter-style “if you don’t send this to eleven people in forty-two seconds, your eyelashes will fall out” threat

If it ends with a promise that if you do send it to X people in Y minutes, The Noid will run across your screen and pee on your hard drive icon

Vague threats against blasphemers/infidels

Untrue/unprovable/just plain dodgy statements presented as fact

Beginning and ending with bible quotes

Promising a miracle if the message is forwarded/reposted

Attempting to promote religion through the use of analogy/metaphor/simile that makes it look unappealing to those outside the religion.

Magical member of a traditionally disenfranchised/disadvantaged group whose simple wisdom shows us all the error of our ways, including, but not limited to:
Black person
-Native American person
-Mentally handicapped person

Out of the Mouths of Babes
Almost the same as the Magical Negro, but not quite.

Me and God Are Like This!
Like that “Footprints” poem. I won’t link to it; you already know what it says.

Helping Those Who Can’t Figure Out How to Help Themselves
People in need must be stupid, because they’re always getting miracles when common sense and planning ahead would get them out of trouble a lot more easily.

Pass This Along- If You Aren’t Ashamed
Invariably, this will contain the “If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father” thing.

*And seriously, if you ever come across a “cured of teh ghey by Jesus” email, send it!

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6 Responses to As Promised…

  1. nosugrefneb says:

    You can turn the email address into a link using this code (not including the outside quotation marks): “whatevertextyoulike“.

    So, folks, email her here.

  2. nosugrefneb says:

    Oops, I should probably change the code a bit so it actually looks like code. It is as follows (but change the square brackets to angle brackets (e.g. )): [a href=”mailto:youremail@youremail.com”]whatevertextyoulike[/a]

  3. Neil Nolte says:

    Posting your email address as readable code is a great idea. Then all the web crawlers can find it and start sending you spam.

    I’m a Christian but I might send you some of the stupid CCCEs I get anyway.

  4. Marina says:

    You might really think its funny making a joke outa every serious email that has some truth in it………as threatening , crazy or historically incorrect that CCCE no1 chain email is….the truth is that in the end every body died…..even those innocent christians that are being killed on the basis of their religion in some parts of d world….. the point here is not that ppl die but is what you leave behind which is important….I would rather die as an innocent person that was faithful to my religion than to die from HIV aids just because I careleslly lived a self centered, sexually immoral life, or as a self centred star……our religion teaches us in that in the world we will have tribulations..i.e ppl will treat us as stupid idiots nd kill us, as ur implying…but i was taught not 2 care, but to turn the other cheek nd go the extra mile when someoneasked 4 it…….cause either way this life will pass away, nd this world nd its materialistic nd lustful desires will pass away which is logical in all forms..i was taught not to worship stars because they sang bout peace…or sportpeople because they climbed the highest mountain….but to worship d Truth…nd to live in decency..something which is so suppressed in cyberspace ….not that i’m saying that singing bout peace is wrong or climbing the highest mountain is wrong either……Its so easy to talk the talk but hard to walk the walk…..Ur atheist probably don’t even care that there is world poverty…or bout the way humans are destroying the earth cause of “survival of the fittest” as u describe it nd that life is somwhat competition even between humans, I don’t encourage religious fanaticism nor do I encourage atheist fanaticism…I believe that atheist ppl should maybe start learnin from others nd start thinkin bout how great creation is that it wasn’t a mistake that happened in a few seconds, or that the fact that there are similarities in organisms pts to evolution but rather to One creator of all…..Mother Theresa was critisiced by the Hindu’s for helping out the less fortunate….Esther Gulshan was going to be killed for seeking Jesus the Truth after being healed….nd not to mention the thousands of christians that were killed during the Roman reign of the emporer Diocletion and Galerius in the begining of the fourth century….bout 70 million believers till this day have been killed on the basis of their faith…….nd not to mention My Lord nd Saviour Jesus Christ died crucified as a criminal for my sake, cuz of preaching the Thruth……Atheists believe so much in the power of the human being that the froget incidents such as the explosion of the Challenger…which probably was named as thus to challenge God ..anyways I think u my friend should stop being critical of everything nd maybe open ur mind to learn from others nd from God

  5. sweeteva says:

    Bravo Marina, I couldn’t say it better… do keep the faith and pray for those who don’t know GOD.

  6. paige says:

    OMG, give it up!!

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