CCCE- The Heart

October 25, 2006

I’m on vacation from work this week, so I may actually have time to post! Yay! Here’s a horribly depressing (and poorly-formatted) CCCE I came across:

The Heart

Please send this back but only if you mean it!

“Tomorrow morning,” the surgeon began,

“I’ll open up your heart…”

“You’ll find Jesus there,” the boy

interrupted.

The surgeon looked up, annoyed “I’ll

cut your heart open,” he continued,

to see how much damage has been

done…”

“But when you open up my heart, you’ll

find Jesus in there,” said the boy.

The surgeon looked to the parents, who

Sat quietly.”When I see how much

damage has been done, I’ll sew your

heart and chest back up, and I’ll plan

what to do next.”

“But you’ll find Jesus in my heart. The

Bible says He lives there. The

hymns all say He lives there. You’ll

find Him in my heart.”

The surgeon had had enough. “I’ll tell

you what I’ll find in your heart.

I’ll find damaged muscle, low blood

supply, and weakened vessels.

And I’ll find out if I can make you well.”

“You’ll find Jesus there too. He lives

there.”

The surgeon left.

The surgeon sat in his office, recording his

notes from the surgery, “…damaged aorta, damaged

pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration.

No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy:

painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:, ”

here he paused, “death within one year.”

He stopped the recorder, but there was

more to be said. “Why?” he asked aloud.

“Why did You do this? You’ve put

him here; You’ve put him in this pain; and

You’ve cursed him to an early death. Why?”

The Lord answered and said, “The boy,

My lamb, was not meant for your

flock for long, for he is a part of My

flock, and will forever be.

Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and

will be comforted as you cannot imagine.

His parents will one day join him here,

and they will know peace, and

My flock will continue to grow.”

The surgeon’s tears were hot, but his

anger was hotter. “You created that

boy, and You created that heart. He’ll

be dead in months. Why?”

The Lord answered, “The boy, My lamb,

shall return to My flock, for He has

Done his duty: I did not put My lamb

with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another

lost lamb.”

The surgeon wept.. The surgeon sat

beside the boy’s bed; the boy’s

parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and

whispered, “Did you cut open my heart?”

“Yes,” said the surgeon.

“What did you find?” asked the boy.

“I found Jesus there,” said the

surgeon.

Author Unknown – Celebrate Jesus in 2006

If you aren’t ashamed to do this,

please follow the directions

listed below:

Jesus said, “If you are ashamed of me,

I will be ashamed of you before

my Father..”

I Am Not Ashamed. Pass this on only if

you mean it. “Yes, I do Love

God. He is my source of existence and

Savior. He keeps me functioning each

and everyday. Without Him, I will be

nothing. Without him, I am nothing,

but with Him I can do all things through

Christ that strengthens me.”

(Phil 4:13)

This is the simplest test. If you Love

God, and are not ashamed of all the

marvelous things he has done for you.

Send this to ten people and the

person who sent it to you

Where to start? Is exploratory surgery really a good idea for a patient whose heart is so damaged he’ll be dead within a year? A damaged knee, sure, but the heart isn’t something to just open up and look at for the hell of it. Well, except if Jesus is there. And if God’s trying to prove a point.

The Lord answered, “The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has Done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another
lost lamb.”

To which the doctor should have replied: Gee, thanks God, but couldn’t you have miracled up something that didn’t require parents losing their five year old? If you can talk to me like this now, couldn’t we have had this conversation without casualties?

I don’t know, it just seems horrifying to me that theists think everything happens for a reason, including dead children and genocides. Also, I’m not going to any doctor who hears voices and talks to them.

Score me:

Presence of a dead child in the email’s story
Close enough.

Attempting to promote religion through the use of analogy/metaphor/simile that makes it look unappealing to those outside the religion.
I don’t want to belong to any religion whose deity kills little kids to prove a point to “lost sheep.” And don’t get me started on the sheep thing.

Out of the Mouths of Babes
One of my little cousins was once convinced that monkeys lived in his basement that was unfinished and he couldn’t go into. He thought he could see, talk to, and feed the monkeys through the central air vent by the staircase. I went down there once, and didn’t come up saying I’d found the simple truth of monkeys. That would have been awesome, though.


CCCE- Shallow End of the Meme Pool

October 3, 2006

I stole the next one from a chain letter forum. All my email contacts are busy sending out unfunny, racist, and sexist chains, and everyone on myspace is posting the same old, tired “Tom’s going to start charging” and beware of the serial-killing rapist bulletins, so I’m mocking and debunking everywhere these days. Anyway, here’s this:

Phil. 4:13 states: “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

Here’s the story:
A young man who had been raised as an atheist was training to be an Olympic diver. The only religious influence in his life came from his outspoken Christian friend. The young diver never really paid much attention to his friend’s sermons, but he heard them often. One night the diver went to the indoor pool at the college he attended. The lights were all off, but as the pool had big skylights and the moon was bright, there was plenty of light to practice by. The young man climbed up to the highest diving board and as he turned his back to the pool on the edge of the board and extended his arms out, he saw his shadow on the wall. The shadow of his body, was in the shape of a cross. The man felt a strange feeling, like someone was speaking to him. Instead of diving, he knelt down and finally asked God to come into his life. As the young man stood, a maintenance man walked in and turned the lights on. The pool had been drained for repairs.

Remember this story and send it to a friend. Yes, I do Love Jesus. He is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and everyday. “Without Him, I will be nothing. Without him, I am nothing but with Him I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.” Phil 4:13.

This is the simplest test. If you Love Jesus, and are not ashamed of all the marvelous things he has done for you. Pass this to ten people — and the person who sent it to you !!!!!!!!!!!

First, can I just say that I’m really happy to have access to the “blockquote” tag? I’m using it all over the place from now on. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Some quotes (oh, yeah, blockquote!) and my reactions:

The only religious influence in his life came from his outspoken Christian friend.

Oh? Did he grow up in, like Cuba or China or the Soviet Union twenty years ago? Because if this unnamed young diver lives in the US, there’s all kinds of religious influence everywhere you look. And he just has the one Christian friend? Where is this, and can I move there?

One night the diver went to the indoor pool at the college he attended. The lights were all off, but as the pool had big skylights and the moon was bright, there was plenty of light to practice by.

If the fact that it’s an unattributed anecdote about an unnamed person wasn’t enough to convince you that it’s fake, there’s that. What the hell kind of college lets its divers just waltz into the pool area unaccompanied whenever they feel like it, lighting optional? That’s just an accident waiting to happen.

The young man climbed up to the highest diving board and as he turned his back to the pool on the edge of the board and extended his arms out, he saw his shadow on the wall. The shadow of his body, was in the shape of a cross. The man felt a strange feeling, like someone was speaking to him.

ZOMG! He stretched out his arms and his shadow was in the shape of a cross! What are the odds? I can do that, too! Now I’ll have to convert. Oh, wait. I just clasped my hands together, stretched them over my head and moved them back, arching my back. Now I’m in the shape of a crescent! Guess I’ll have to convert to Islam now.

Instead of diving, he knelt down and finally asked God to come into his life. As the young man stood, a maintenance man walked in and turned the lights on. The pool had been drained for repairs.

The pool was being drained for repairs and no one bothered to tell the diving team, who obviously have permission to come in and practice (again, alone) any damn time they feel like it? Seems like it would have been mentioned at some point. And God’s a janitor now? I thought he was a pumpkin carver. Or is it a DJ? Why can’t he keep a job?

Let’s score this:

Untrue/unprovable/just plain dodgy statements presented as fact

Beginning and ending with bible quotes

Although I don’t know if that last one really counts, because it’s the same verse, although the difference in word choice means the beginning quote is either (gasp!) paraphrased or (also gasp-worthy according to some) from a different translation than the one at the end. I need submissions, so I’m not reduced to trolling message boards for these things. I’ll still do that, but I’d like other sources, too.