CCCE- Shallow End of the Meme Pool

I stole the next one from a chain letter forum. All my email contacts are busy sending out unfunny, racist, and sexist chains, and everyone on myspace is posting the same old, tired “Tom’s going to start charging” and beware of the serial-killing rapist bulletins, so I’m mocking and debunking everywhere these days. Anyway, here’s this:

Phil. 4:13 states: “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

Here’s the story:
A young man who had been raised as an atheist was training to be an Olympic diver. The only religious influence in his life came from his outspoken Christian friend. The young diver never really paid much attention to his friend’s sermons, but he heard them often. One night the diver went to the indoor pool at the college he attended. The lights were all off, but as the pool had big skylights and the moon was bright, there was plenty of light to practice by. The young man climbed up to the highest diving board and as he turned his back to the pool on the edge of the board and extended his arms out, he saw his shadow on the wall. The shadow of his body, was in the shape of a cross. The man felt a strange feeling, like someone was speaking to him. Instead of diving, he knelt down and finally asked God to come into his life. As the young man stood, a maintenance man walked in and turned the lights on. The pool had been drained for repairs.

Remember this story and send it to a friend. Yes, I do Love Jesus. He is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and everyday. “Without Him, I will be nothing. Without him, I am nothing but with Him I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.” Phil 4:13.

This is the simplest test. If you Love Jesus, and are not ashamed of all the marvelous things he has done for you. Pass this to ten people — and the person who sent it to you !!!!!!!!!!!

First, can I just say that I’m really happy to have access to the “blockquote” tag? I’m using it all over the place from now on. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Some quotes (oh, yeah, blockquote!) and my reactions:

The only religious influence in his life came from his outspoken Christian friend.

Oh? Did he grow up in, like Cuba or China or the Soviet Union twenty years ago? Because if this unnamed young diver lives in the US, there’s all kinds of religious influence everywhere you look. And he just has the one Christian friend? Where is this, and can I move there?

One night the diver went to the indoor pool at the college he attended. The lights were all off, but as the pool had big skylights and the moon was bright, there was plenty of light to practice by.

If the fact that it’s an unattributed anecdote about an unnamed person wasn’t enough to convince you that it’s fake, there’s that. What the hell kind of college lets its divers just waltz into the pool area unaccompanied whenever they feel like it, lighting optional? That’s just an accident waiting to happen.

The young man climbed up to the highest diving board and as he turned his back to the pool on the edge of the board and extended his arms out, he saw his shadow on the wall. The shadow of his body, was in the shape of a cross. The man felt a strange feeling, like someone was speaking to him.

ZOMG! He stretched out his arms and his shadow was in the shape of a cross! What are the odds? I can do that, too! Now I’ll have to convert. Oh, wait. I just clasped my hands together, stretched them over my head and moved them back, arching my back. Now I’m in the shape of a crescent! Guess I’ll have to convert to Islam now.

Instead of diving, he knelt down and finally asked God to come into his life. As the young man stood, a maintenance man walked in and turned the lights on. The pool had been drained for repairs.

The pool was being drained for repairs and no one bothered to tell the diving team, who obviously have permission to come in and practice (again, alone) any damn time they feel like it? Seems like it would have been mentioned at some point. And God’s a janitor now? I thought he was a pumpkin carver. Or is it a DJ? Why can’t he keep a job?

Let’s score this:

Untrue/unprovable/just plain dodgy statements presented as fact

Beginning and ending with bible quotes

Although I don’t know if that last one really counts, because it’s the same verse, although the difference in word choice means the beginning quote is either (gasp!) paraphrased or (also gasp-worthy according to some) from a different translation than the one at the end. I need submissions, so I’m not reduced to trolling message boards for these things. I’ll still do that, but I’d like other sources, too.

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7 Responses to CCCE- Shallow End of the Meme Pool

  1. […] On a Crazy Chain has more fun from the Fundies who write the most annoying spam ever… check it out for a good laugh! […]

  2. Marcus says:

    “Oh, wait. I just clasped my hands together, stretched them over my head and moved them back, arching my back. Now I’m in the shape of a crescent! Guess I’ll have to convert to Islam now.”

    It was from there that I laughed my ass off – aloud.

  3. ollysk2 says:

    I love the idea that God is a janitor, that one just cracked me up.

    “Hey God, I spilled some shit, you wanna clean it up for me?”

    -olly

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  6. Joy-Lyn says:

    “One night the diver went to the indoor pool at the college he attended. The lights were all off, but as the pool had big skylights and the moon was bright, there was plenty of light to practice by.”

    Problem. If there is enough moonlight to notice cool cross shaped shadows on walls inside the building, and supposedly “enough light to practice” DIVING by….then there is enough moonlight for the water in the pool to reflect it. No reflective ripples means NO WATER. Not something a sober pool dependant athlete would miss.

    If you are diving into pitch black nothing….then obviously there is not “plenty of light to practice by”.

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