CCCE: The (Unfathomably Horrible) Little Things

May 18, 2007

I got this from a friend. It gave me one of those “What the fuck is wrong with you, religious people?” moments. Just read.

The L I T T L E T hings . Whatever the hell this is


As you might know, the head of a company survived
9/11 because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was
his turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her
alarm clock didn’t go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
because of an auto accident.

One of them
missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
time to change.

car wouldn’t start.

One went back to
answer the telephone .

One had a
child that dawdled
and didn’t get ready as soon as he should have.

One couldn’t
get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man

who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,

took the various means to get to work

but before he got there, he developed

a blister on his foot.

He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today.

Number 3

Now when I am
stuck in traffic ,
miss an elevator,
turn back to answer a ringing telephone …
all the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
this is exactly where

God wants me to be
at this very moment..

Numero Quatre

Next time your morning seems to be

going wrong ,

the children are slow getting dressed,
you can’t seem to find the car keys,
you hit every traffic light,
don’t get mad or frustrated;
God is at work watching over you.

Number Five Is Alive!

May God continue to bless you
with all those annoying little things
and may you remember their possible purpose.

Stop with the friggin butterflies already!

Pass this on to someone else, if you’d like.
There is NO LUCK attached.
If you delete this, it’s okay:

God’s Love Is Not Dependent On
E-Mail !!
C’est un papillon (that’s the cool part)

Ceci n’est pas un papillon


No butterfly!

Sometimes we need to thank God for unanswered prayers.

Setting aside the graphics and the colors (it took me an hour to get all that color code in there. My brain hurts now.), the message of this is disturbing. Taken at face value “These people are alive because they were exactly where God wanted them to be” isn’t terribly offensive, I suppose. What is offensive is the implication it carries: that the people who died on 9/11 did so because they were exactly where God wanted them to be, too. Hear that, victims’ families? It was their time! Those people who jumped out of the building? That was exactly where God wanted them to be! It was their destiny to die on impact in the plane, be burned to death, fall or jump from the 100th story of a building, or be buried alive in rubble. And that kind of thinking, my friends, is disgusting.

I understand the questions that would go through a survivor’s head. “Why am I alive, when most of the people I worked with and saw during the day aren’t?” But the answer isn’t “I’m special; God was looking out for me that day,” because that suggests that everybody who died wasn’t special. You know, atheists are often called selfish and arrogant, but we’re not the ones going around believing and telling people that we’re so special that there are deities and forces constantly intervening in our everyday lives and conspiring to keep us out of harm’s way. I don’t know; this is something that upsets me about religion in general, and I could rant and rave about it for hours, but it wouldn’t be funny, and I try to keep things light around here. The only positive thing about this email is that it says “pass it along if you want, there’s no luck involved.” That was nice. Let’s score:

Points for:
-Multiple Colors
-Multiple Font Sizes

There were lines that were a different font, but I was already about to go crazy with the colors, so you don’t get those. Sorry. And I think the email itself was in Comic Sans, but I won’t subject you to that.
Me and God Are Like This!
Somebody finally put that video up on Youtube!


This Is an Inside Joke. Ignore This Post.

May 13, 2007

Jason Riedinger is an ass.

Note to regular readers of this blog:  Just don’t ask.  It’s a long story.

Another Administrative Post

May 10, 2007

I haven’t gone away, I’ve just been busy with work and some other stuff. I’ve been keeping up with the site’s stats, and I’d like to know who all these people coming to the site by searching “onacrazychain” are. It’s flattering and weird at the same time to be searched by my online handle. I’ll be back to make fun of more emails soon, when my schedule calms the hell down, probably next week sometime.

So kids, Mommy has to leave for a little while. Here are a couple videos for you to watch. And don’t just sit around and eat while I’m gone; I’m making fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy for supper.