Reader Submitted CCCE: Freedom Scene, Man. It’s Groovy.

Okay, I’ve been gone for a long, long time. I blame my dog. Seriously, look at this face:

How am I supposed to ignore that and try to write? That’s my hand she’s chewing on, by the way. It was the only way I could get her to look at the camera long enough to take a picture of her face.

Anyway, this CCCE comes from reader Joseph. Thanks!

———————————————————————————————

How is it that a 15 year old child can see what Adults are missing?

WRITTEN
BY A 15 yr. Old SCHOOL KID IN ARIZONA
:

New
Pledge of Allegiance (TOTALLY AWESOME) !
Since
the Pledge of Allegiance
And
The Lord’s Prayer
Are not allowed in most Public schools anymore
Because the word ‘God’ is mentioned….
A kid in Arizona
wrote this

NEW School prayer :
Now I sit me down in
school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the
class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple,
orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public
hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God’s name is prohibited by the state.
We’re allowed to cuss
and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks..
They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant
Senior Queen,
And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.
It’s ‘inappropriate’ to teach right from wrong,
We’re taught that such ‘judgments’ do not belong.
We can get our condoms
and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It’s scary here I must
confess,
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
If you aren’t ashamed to
do this,
Please pass this on.
Jesus said,
‘If you are ashamed of me,
I will be ashamed of you before my Father.’

Not
ashamed.

Joseph calls this email “…a complaint about Christians not being allowed to nag other people for their body piercings and other important matters.” Spot on, dude. I’d say it reveals the massive sense of entitlement a lot of Christians have from having been the favored group for so long. They’re spoiled, and like most spoiled people throwing their asses in the air about having to share for once, they can be very childish. Let’s look at this thing, shall we?

WRITTEN
BY A 15 yr. Old SCHOOL KID IN ARIZONA

First off, I’m calling bullshit on this one. If a teenager really wrote this, they either had tons of
“help” from an adult or are the lamest teenager ever. The word choice is not that of a young person. At least, not one from this century.

New
Pledge of Allegiance (TOTALLY AWESOME) !

Nuh-uh.

Now I sit me down in
school
Where praying is against the rule

No it’s not. Really.

If Scripture now the
class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.

Now? The Bill of Rights was written over 200 years ago, and mandatory prayer/scripture recitation in public school always been a violation of the establishment clause. It just hasn’t been enforced as such until relatively recently.

And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

No it doesn’t. If your school makes you, then it is. If you want to pray on your own or with a group of friends outside of class time, that’s totally legal and, as long as you’re not disrupting others, they can’t stop you. You know, freedom scene and all that.

Our hair can be purple,
orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.

Actually, some schools have had dress codes prohibiting hair dyed unnatural colors. I don’t have any stats off-hand to back that up, but if my high school tried to do it in the 90s, there had to have been others doing the same thing. Totally off-topic, but our administration’s reasoning was that hair dyed colors like green and blue was associated with gang activity. Because our rural Kansas town had such a big gang problem. Student Council went to the school board and got the rule changed, so the one person who had been suspended because of the rule (who was an Alternative guy, not in a gang) could come back to school with his hair green.

For praying in a public
hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.

And heaven forbid (pun intended) we should try to be respectful of others at school. I mean, if someone wants to dress up in a Klan outfit and chase around their African-American classmates with a noose, they totally could, right? Freedom scene, no? No? Okay, then. Adolescence is hard enough without being singled out on a daily basis for not believing the same thing as most of the people around you.

We’re allowed to cuss
and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks..

Again, dress codes. And in what high school are students allowed to just swear any old time? Shit, my high school was pretty lenient (open lunch, no hall passes, off-campus classes and work release that meant there were usually people coming and going in their vehicles and wandering around the school at all times) and we still had that rule. Plus, anyone who would write this is not someone I’d trust to discern what “dress[ing] like freaks” means.

They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.

Wait. The writer is saying it’s a bad thing that teenagers in high school can’t go around carrying guns on their persons like vigilantes? The Old West wasn’t that much fun, and I’ll bet Laura Ingalls never let her students come into the one-room schoolhouse armed with revolvers. And again, the Bible isn’t banned.

We can elect a pregnant
Senior Queen,
And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.

Please. Everybody knows the popular kids get abortions.

We can get our condoms
and birth controls,

Birth controls? And if these schools are just giving out contraceptives, why do we have pregnant Senior Queens? Use that shit, kids!

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.

I think the writer has mistaken learning about something for being taught to accept that thing as a religious belief. Totem poles are a legitimate part of any comprehensive (North) American history
class, and there are any number of books, plays, and short stories about vampires and witchcraft that could be included in an English course. For that matter, the Bible can be taught about (as long as it’s not being preached) in a literature or history class. Again, just learning about something doesn’t mean it has to become an integral part of one’s belief system. Also, vampires are imaginary.

It’s scary here I must
confess,
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.

Actually, schools seem to be less lenient these days than they used to be.

So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!

Two things:
1- I thought you said they’d banned guns.
2- If I get shot, what I’d really like is to be taken to a hospital and be operated on and/or sewn up and survive, not for “the Lord my soul to take.” It’s entirely possible to survive being shot; ask 50 Cent.

If you aren’t ashamed to
do this,
Please pass this on.

That again.

Jesus said,
‘If you are ashamed of me,
I will be ashamed of you before my Father.’

Yep, that too.

Not
ashamed.

Okay. We get it. Stop.

Okay, how many times have I had to say this, and in how many ways? When you are asked to respect others’ beliefs/practices/hairdos/whatever, that doesn’t mean that you’re being discriminated against. Having to give up your unearned privilege does not mean you’re being picked on; it means you’re playing by the same rules as everyone else for once. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes, blah blah blah. Score, people:

Untrue/unprovable/just plain dodgy statements presented as fact
Seriously, learn the fucking law pertaining to the First Amendment. If you need help, the ACLU will be glad to let you know all about the issue.
Out of the Mouths of Babes
If this was actually written by a fifteen-year-old, I’ll eat my non-existent hat.
Pass This Along- If You Aren’t Ashamed
Over and over.

So I’m back, I guess. I hope to actually do more writing soon, but who knows.

Oh yeah, if you want to follow me on Twitter, Go for it. I can’t get the sidebar widget to work.

Quickie- In Honor of Some Blog Awards Thingy

Since the awesome Pharyngula is nominated for Best Controversial Blog in some blog awards thingy, and since one of the other nominees is (shudder) Perez Hilton, I’ve done a quick Perez/Pharyngula mashup pic:       I’ll be back soon with some more real posts.  I just couldn’t resist doing that. 

CCCE- Cash Rules Everything Around Me

This one I got in my own inbox, though not personally sent to me. It was on a (completely unrelated to the email and its subject) listserv.

The new dollar

You guessed it…..
‘IN GOD WE TRUST‘IS GONE!!!

The new George Washington $1.00 coin is the first money
Ever issued by the USA in modern history without the words “In God We
Trust”.

By omitting these words, our politically correct, secularist leaders made a conscientious
Decision that either;
1) God does not exist, or
2) that God exists, but can no longer be trusted.

Who originally put ‘In God We Trust’ onto our currency?

One of the Presidents made that decision for these coins.

Now our U.S. Government has dishonored them.

What can we do to show our displeasure?
First of all, let’s boycott the coin . Do not
Ask for it at banks. If it is given to you in change ask for dollar bills instead.
Write your Senators stating your displeasure.

Finally, if you agree, pass this e-mail on to others.
Collectively, we must send a strong
Message to those secularists who are trying to remove God from our culture.
If we do this, some 300 million $1.00 coins will back up and rot in the supply chain!

Together we can force them out of circulation.

Let’s see what our old friend Snopes has to say:

Actually, the Presidential $1 coins incorporate a few new design features not found on other current U.S. coinage, one of which is that elements typically displayed on either the obverse or reverse of U.S. coins- the year of minting, the mint mark, the motto from the Great Seal of the United States (“E Pluribus Unum”), and the current national motto of the United States (“In God We Trust”) will instead be included as edge-incused inscriptions. That is, all of these elements will appear on the edges of the new dollar coins rather than on their fronts or backs […]

The Presidential dollars neither omit the phrase “In God We Trust” nor demonstrate a plot to “phase God out of America.” The national motto is simply being relocated, along with other common features, to the edge of the coins (in large part to avoid cluttering the obverse design, which already includes each president’s name, number, and years in office). As for the claim that positioning “In God We Trust” as an edge-incused inscription means that the motto will quickly be worn away, it is exceedingly unlikely that any of the presidential dollar coins will circulate nearly long enough to experience that much wear.

(Some of the George Washington and John Adams presidential dollars were discovered to be missing their edge inscriptions shortly after the initial release of those coins, but those examples were the result of minting errors and were not reflective of the new dollars’ intended standard appearance. The edge inscriptions are added in a separate step on different machinery.)

So, printing error and style changes. Not so much the “big bad secularist plot” the email’s author imagines. While we’re discussing this, I’d like to ask a question of religious people who think like the author: What’s so bad about secularism? These people, who decry the fact that Christians are not allowed to practice their religion freely in places like China and Saudi Arabia and write emails calling for boycotts until that situation is rectified, are the first people who get defensive and whiny when any religion other than Christianity in this country wants to be public with their beliefs, or when those of us who are “evil secularists” think that just maybe it’s best for everyone if the government stays out of the religion business.

Hey people I’ve just described, that thing you’re advocating in other countries, where Christians are free to practice their religion despite being a minority in their country: That’s secularism! How would you feel if the money said “In Allah we trust”? I think you’d be offended. If it said “There is no god in whom to trust” you’d also be offended, I’m sure. But if it said nothing about any gods? How would that make any difference in your life or your beliefs? If your faith is so fragile that you have to be reminded of it each time you make a currency exchange, then you need to examine it very closely, because it doesn’t sound like there’s a whole lot there. Why, ask yourself, is it so important that your beliefs, to the exclusion of those of millions of your fellow Americans, be acknowledged by the government.

Who originally put ‘In God We Trust’ onto our currency?

One of the Presidents made that decision for these coins.

Now our U.S. Government has dishonored them.

Actually, it was Congress that made that decision. Presidents don’t introduce legislation. Taken from this site:

In 1956, the nation was suffering through the height of the cold war, and the McCarthy communist witch hunt. Partly in reaction to these factors, the 84th Congress passed a joint resolution to replace the existing motto with “In God we Trust.” The president signed the resolution into law on 1956-JUL-30. The change was partly motivated by a desire to differentiate between communism, which promotes Atheism, and Western capitalistic democracies, which were at least nominally Christian. The phrase “Atheistic Communists” has been repeated so many times that the public has linked Atheism with communism; the two are often considered synonymous. Many consider Atheism as unpatriotic and un-American as is communism. The new motto was first used on paper money in 1957, when it was added to the one-dollar silver certificate. By 1966, “In God we Trust” was added to all paper money, from $1 to $100 denominations.

Ah, the Cold War. Do we really, as a nation, want to be carrying around relics of McCarthyism? Dude was crazy. PS, most American atheists aren’t communists. In fact, we’re generally pretty big on democracy, as are most atheists worldwide. The problem with Communist governments isn’t that they’re officially Atheist, it’s that they’re nearly always totalitarian regimes. And those are bad, but hardly exclusive to Communism. Iran sucks just as much as North Korea.

To those who still don’t think that theocracy is so bad, because, hey you’re a Christian and you’re the majority, what makes you think the government would stop at “Christianity” if they established a national religion? They totally wouldn’t. First they’d go to protestantism, then they’d pick a denomination, and if it wasn’t yours, you’d be SOL, just like this guy:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!”

“Like what?”

“Well … are you religious or atheist?”

“Religious.”

“Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?”

“Christian.”

“Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

“Protestant.”

“Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

“Baptist.”

“Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

“Baptist Church of God.”

“Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God.”

“Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!”

To which I said, “Then die, heretic scum!” and pushed him off.

Scoring

Points for:

Color
Font Papyrus, yo!
Snopes did it!

CCCE: Oh Snoop, You Devil

This CCCE comes courtesy of reader Peggy. It’s about music, one of my favorite subjects to write about, and by a religious nutjob, another of my favorite subjects. Thanks Peggy!

THE SAD TRUTH ABOUT HIP-HOP

——————————————————————————–
didnt write this to scare anyone or to force anyone to do anything, but the truth hurts, and I hope you all make the right descicions.

On October 9, it has come to my attention that Hip Hop and R&B, the music that we enjoy so much, is so evil that it has blinded us from actually seeing the truth!! YES!! THE MUSIC THAT WE ENJOY IS EVIL!! NO!!
ITS NOT ONLY ROCK MUSIC, BUT HIP HOP AND R&B!! Hip hop has so many subliminal messages in it and it is scary
because the messages are so obvious, but we are only figuring it out now because we just understood the
truth and when I first heard this, tears flowed out my eyes cause it is the horrifying truth.

Singers like Alicia keys, Jay z, deAngelo, india irie, snoop dog, erikah badu…………………….etc . just read this u would see what am talkin about

You don’t believe me? Just listen to the CD The Gray Album! Track 11, the interlude to Lucifer, Jay-Z or
should I say Jay-Hova (Jehoviah) says some pretty disturbing things! You wont hear it if you play it forwards, but play it backwards and this is
what he
>>says: “666, Murder, murder Jesus, I can introduce you
>>to evil (when you play it forward you hear him say: “I
>>can introduce you to the devil”), Leave niggaz on
>>death’s door, Catholics I gotta murder em, murder,
>>murder Jesus, 666″ and its scary cause his voice
>>sounds demonic in the song!! Its true!! I heard it for
>>myself!! Anyone don’t believe me, gimmie a call!! I’ll
>>play it for you!!

>>And Mr. Snoop Dogg, you heard he was a christian? Well
>>he used to be, but ever since he sold his soul to the
>>devil to sell records..what? you still don’t believe
>>me? watch the video of “murder was the case”, it
>>portrays him as Jesus, then he turns into the devil,
>>he even said it himself
“…sold my soul to the devil
>>to sell records..” I don’t care if you said it just so
>>it can rhyme, that junk aint cool man, you don’t say
>>things like that. Oh yeah, and right after that he
>>made the demonic movie called “Bones”

Three 6 Mafia? Three Sixes, 666!!! WHY WE AINT NOTICE
ALL OF THIS BEFORE?!?!

>>D-12, well, all you need to do is listen to their
>>lyrics on the song called “Revelation”. Here are some
>>of the words: “I want to kill myself! i’m still debatin
>>in front of a baptist church, masturbatin
>>prayin to satan – think i’m crazy cause I smoke crack
>>live on (?) in a two-family flat? (f__k it)
>>tired of gettin hit in the face with a broom
>>my moms on her period, my
dad’s in my room (daddy no!)
>>I got ten rocks and I need to get out
>>I sold them in five min_tes, at my own d_mn house
>>(moms smoke crack)
>>my poor grandmother, god bless her soul
>>the b__ch got
>>aids (aww) she just waitin to die of a
>>cold (hahaha)”, or this song called “Devil’s Night”:”I
>>make music to make you sick of fake music
>>hate music like devil worshippin satan music
>>so say your prayers, your hail mary’s and Jesuses
>>take two sticks, tape ’em together and make a crucifix
>>try to stop it but you cain’t do it (ha ha)
>>a whole generation of kids blowin out their f__kin
>>brains to this
>>kurt cobain music – students converted to ‘caine users
>>as soon as they heard it went out and murdered and
>>maimed to
it
>>what’s your name?”

>>Still want to listen to hip hop? You do? How about if I
>>tell you that Bones Thugs and Harmony are really devil
>>worshippers who use ouija boards and they mocked the
>>tounges of fire that appeared over the disciples head
>>in a video while they were around a crystal ball? Or
>>how about if I also tell you
>>that there is an album
>>that they have, and on the back of it is backwards
>>letters, when you hold those letters up to a mirror it
>>is actually a curse that goes straight to your SOUL!!

>>What if I told you that our favorite old school rapper
>>KRS-ONE believes that there is no god, that we are
>>gods and godesses and rap is equal with god, and that
>>God is not
down with religion but he is just something
>>that people make money with?
>>
>>The Wu Tang Clan made a video where it is a cartoon
>>and the cartoon is depicting the eagle (The W sign
>>they throw up) cuttin off Jesus head, and taking his
>>soul to form the members of the group. Old Dirty
>>Bastard’s other name was Baby Jesus or something like
>>that. You think im makin this up? Read this quote from
>>vibe magazine
>>”look into my eyes” ol dirty says “i’m Jesus”
>>
>>Oh no its not only hip hop
>>friends, its also R&B.
>>
>>Alicia Keys gets her CD’s blessed…nah, not by no
>>priest or minister or pastor, but by witches and them
>>voodoo people. And it aint only her, its alot of
>>people in the
industry!!
>>
>>Erikah Badu named her son seven, which she says means
>>seven steps to being God…she also believes in
>>strange mystic spirits and some new aged religion..she
>>is also into using Tarot Cards, and palm readers, and
>>ungoldy things like that. Hmmm, can I say, straight up
>>SATAN??
>>
>>
>>India Arie, she doesnt only believe in our God, but
>>spirits, and Ancestor Spirits and that nature spirit
>>garbage. But that don’t stop us from listening to their
>>music.
>>
>>
>>D’Angelo…who remembers that nasty video where he
>>butt naked and singin and all them girls went crazy
>>over it?? aint that kind of X rated for a person who
>>calls himself
>>christian? Isnt it also kind of weird that
>>he
named one of his CD’s “VooDoo” and it depicts him
>>in Haiti performing voodoo rituals whereas he is there
>>baning on a drum, a couple of villagers are dancing
>>around a fire, and a lady (who seems to be possesed)
>>is mangling a chicken, but yet this guy calls himself
>>a Christian?
>>
>>
>>
>>NOOO!!! ITS OUR PEOPLE TOO!! FRED HAMMOND (Gospel
>>Artist) WAS ON THE SONG WHERE KRS ONE SAID ALL THOSE
>>DEGRADING THINGS ABOUT GOD, AND GUESS WHAT, HE THINKS
>>ITS OK!! HE DOESNT MIND THAT P DIDDY AND NAS MADE A
>>SONG WHERE NAS IS DEPICTING HIMSELF AS JESUS CARRYING
>>AND BEING NAILED TO THE CROSS, HE DOESNT MIND THAT KRS
>>SAID ALL THOSE THINGS ON HIS SONG, AND KIRK FRANKLIN
>>(Gospel Artist)ALLOWING SECULAR ARTISTS ON HIS CD
>>TOO!!
REMEMBER THE BIBLE SAID, YOU CANT BE GOOD AND
>>EVIL AT THE SAME TIME!! PICK ONE!! YOU CANT BE
>>IN
>>BETWEEN!!!
>>
>>
>>Folks, I was told recently that only 2% of the world
>>don’t KNOW about God. Now, my friend Mike told me that
>>statistics say there are 6 billion people in the world
>>today, do you know what 2% of 6 billion is? 120
>>million. That really isnt alot guys. And don’t forget,
>>the whole world has to know about God before he
>>returns, meaning we havent got much time left!!
>>
>>I’m not here to force you to do anything, but I know I
>>changed my mind the same night I heard this about the
>>music I listen to. If it aint glorifyin God don’t
>>listen to it. But hey, I made my descision what will
>>yours
be??
>>
>>
>>(By the way, in the Bible it says that in the end
>>times there will be a beast speaking blasphemy and
>>hatred against God (Rev:13:4-18)and how there will be
>>many followers of the beast, but only the true
>>christians will not follow,
>>and the many that follow
>>him will be saying how great he is and who would dare
>>make war with him? Now I have a hunch, I don’t know for
>>a fact if its true, but put it into thought…what if
>>that Beast is music? Look
>>how many people follow what music is portraying, the
>>clothing style, the lifestyle…it makes sense doesnt
>>it? Don’t forget, the devil was the head of the
>>department of music in heaven, so when he was cast
>>out, he want to be the same on earth!! IT MAKES SOO
MUCH
>>SENSE!! PLEASE MAKE THE RIGHT DESCISION!! SECULAR
>>MUSIC IS BAD!!! IF IT AINT GLORYIFING GOD, WHO IS IT
>>GLORIFYING??!)
>>
>>Make the right choices. God Bless you all, and I hope
>>yall forward this to your friends and spread the word.
>>Delete it if you want, but when God asks “What have
>>you done to help save your brother or sister, what
>>will you say?”

What will I say indeed. Let’s look at some stuff.

On October 9, it has come to my attention that Hip Hop and R&B, the music that we enjoy so much, is so evil that it has blinded us from actually seeing the truth!! YES!! THE MUSIC THAT WE ENJOY IS EVIL!! NO!!
ITS NOT ONLY ROCK MUSIC, BUT HIP HOP AND R&B!! Hip hop has so many subliminal messages in it and it is scary
because the messages are so obvious, but we are only figuring it out now because we just understood the
truth and when I first heard this, tears flowed out my eyes cause it is the horrifying truth.

Okay, I’m going to say to the author what I have to say to 911 callers who are getting as hysterical as the tone of this email: I’m going to need to to calm down a little, ma’am. I say ma’am because to me it reads like it was written by a woman. And the Gender Genie agrees with me. Anyway, the author has just had this come to her attention on October 9, like all at once? That seems odd, that she would never have noticed any of the stuff in her long-ass email before then. How are hip hop’s subliminal messages so obvious? The point of subliminal messages (which, by the way, not so much with the effectiveness, there) is that they aren’t obvious, that they’re not detectable but affect people subconsciously. Also, run-on sentences are no one’s friend.

You don’t believe me? Just listen to the CD The Gray Album! Track 11, the interlude to Lucifer, Jay-Z or
should I say Jay-Hova (Jehoviah) says some pretty disturbing things! You wont hear it if you play it forwards, but play it backwards and this is
what he
>>says: “666, Murder, murder Jesus, I can introduce you
>>to evil (when you play it forward you hear him say: “I
>>can introduce you to the devil”), Leave niggaz on
>>death’s door, Catholics I gotta murder em, murder,
>>murder Jesus, 666″ and its scary cause his voice
>>sounds demonic in the song!! Its true!! I heard it for
>>myself!! Anyone don’t believe me, gimmie a call!! I’ll
>>play it for you!!

Okay, okay, calm down, I believe you. Damn. Anybody else see the problem with this? The Grey Album isn’t exactly a Jay-Z record. The “satanic message” was put there by Danger Mouse, as a joke and homage to the Beatles’ song “Revolution 9”– the song that supplies the instrumental part of the track- and the rumors and stories surrounding it. I think it’s pretty awesome, but then again I’m not scared of a little backmasking.

>>Still want to listen to hip hop? You do? How about if I
>>tell you that Bones Thugs and Harmony are really devil
>>worshippers who use ouija boards and they mocked the
>>tounges of fire that appeared over the disciples head
>>in a video while they were around a crystal ball? Or
>>how about if I also tell you
>>that there is an album
>>that they have, and on the back of it is backwards
>>letters, when you hold those letters up to a mirror it
>>is actually a curse that goes straight to your SOUL!!

What is the deal with supposedly “Satanic” stuff being backwards? The album in question appears to be E. 1999 Eternal, and the supposed evil stuff looks less like the work of hardcore Satanists bent on corrupting the youth and more like something that came from a bunch of people who smoked too much pot and thought they were all deep and shit. Or goth kids. Gangsta goths.

>>D’Angelo…who remembers that nasty video where he
>>butt naked and singin and all them girls went crazy
>>over it?? aint that kind of X rated for a person who
>>calls himself
>>christian? Isnt it also kind of weird that
>>he
named one of his CD’s “VooDoo” and it depicts him
>>in Haiti performing voodoo rituals whereas he is there
>>baning on a drum, a couple of villagers are dancing
>>around a fire, and a lady (who seems to be possesed)
>>is mangling a chicken, but yet this guy calls himself
>>a Christian?

First, yes, yes I do remember that video. And the author’s characterization of it as “nasty” makes me rethink my original gender assessment. Then again, maybe it was written by a woman too uptight to enjoy a few minutes of nice, cut, lovely male torso… Anyway, many Haitian Vodou practitioners do consider themselves Christian, and the religion itself has a lot of syncretic elements. This article gives a good introduction.

>>Folks, I was told recently that only 2% of the world
>>don’t KNOW about God. Now, my friend Mike told me that
>>statistics say there are 6 billion people in the world
>>today, do you know what 2% of 6 billion is? 120
>>million. That really isnt alot guys. And don’t forget,
>>the whole world has to know about God before he
>>returns, meaning we havent got much time left!!

Your friend Mike had to tell you there are 6 billion people in the world? I kinda knew that on my own. And who exactly told you that two percent of the world doesn’t know about your god? What about the sizeable majority of the world that is aware of Christianity and its deity but believes otherwise? What do we count as? I’m a little confused by the “not much time left” stuff. Since there aren’t that many people who don’t know, it’s just a matter of time before everybody does and the world ends, or the world is ending soon and you have to hurry to tell everybody? Because people have been thinking it’s the End Times since Christianity began, and humanity’s still going strong.

Now I have a hunch, I don’t know for
>>a fact if its true, but put it into thought…what if
>>that Beast is music? Look
>>how many people follow what music is portraying, the
>>clothing style, the lifestyle…it makes sense doesnt
>>it? Don’t forget, the devil was the head of the
>>department of music in heaven, so when he was cast
>>out, he want to be the same on earth!! IT MAKES SOO
MUCH
>>SENSE!! PLEASE MAKE THE RIGHT DESCISION!! SECULAR
>>MUSIC IS BAD!!! IF IT AINT GLORYIFING GOD, WHO IS IT
>>GLORIFYING??!)

No it does not “make soo much sense.” It makes my head hurt, in fact. If music itself is the beast, then even religious music isn’t safe, so there. And it makes my heart hurt that there are people out there so scared by indoctrination that they think that the Boogeyman Satan is hiding behind every corner trying to steal their souls and make them do bad things, so much so that they’ll cut themselves off from a lot of beautiful, meaningful art and experiences, just because they’re not God-slobbering.

When I was doing research for this post, I came across a link to EX Ministries, which sells a DVD series about the dangers of hip hop. Dollars to donuts this email came from that organization- the link I saw was a huge post on a forum that looked a bit like this. Although I think their marketing tactics are a little sneaky, I’m halfway tempted to buy the DVDs just for a good laugh- there’s also a “Devil-Proofing 101” DVD, but the fact that they’re $20 each (or 75 for the set!) makes that temptation go away. See, Christians? Atheists get tempted, then we weigh the pros and cons to decide if we should give in or not. No Jesus or Satan involved here, we’re in charge of ourselves.

Fear of a Scored Planet:
-ALL CAPS SHOUTING!

Severe and frequent grammar/spelling/punctuation errors
And internal inconsistencies in spelling things like India Arie’s name

CCCE: Forward This or the Terrorists Win. No, Really.

This one I got in my own personal inbox. It’s maybe only marginally Christian up until the end, but it pissed me off enough that I thought I should put it up here:

> Written by a housewife from New Jersey and sounds like it! This is one ticked off lady.
>
> “Are we fighting a war on terror or aren’t we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001 ?
>
> Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan , across the Potomac from our nation’s capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania ? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn’t they?
> And I’m supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was “desecrated” when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet?…Well, I don’t. I don’t care at all.
>
> I’ll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.
>
> I’ll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia .
>
> I’ll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg’s head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.
>
> I’ll care when the cowardly so-called “insurgents” in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.
>
> I’ll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs. I’ll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution’s Bill of Rights.
>
> In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don’t care.
>
> When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest assured: I don’t care.
>
> When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: I don’t care.
>
> When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed “special” food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being “mishandled,” you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts: I don’t care.
>
> And oh, by the way, I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s spelled “Koran” and other times “Quran.” Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and –you guessed it — I don’t care ! ! ! ! !
>
> If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it’ll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior!
>
> If you don’t agree, then by all means hit the delete button.
>
> Should you choose the latter, then please don’t complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great country! And may I add:
>
> “Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don’t have that problem.”
> — Ronald Reagan
>
> I have another quote that I would like to add AND…….I hope you forward all this.
>
> “If we ever forget that we’re One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under .”
> Also by.. Ronald Reagan
>
> One last thought for the day:
>
> In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the Anti-American sentiment and negativity, we should remember England ‘s Prime Minister Tony Blair’s words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his Parliament members why he believes so much in America , he said:
>
> “A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in… and how many want out.”
>
> Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you:
> 1. Jesus Christ
> 2. The American G. I.
>
> One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.
>
> YOU MIGHT WANT TO PASS THIS ON, AS MANY SEEM TO FORGET BOTH OF THEM. AMEN!

Not to disparage stay-at-home parents or Garden State residents, but yes, first line of the email, it does sound like it was written by a housewife from New Jersey. One whose only source for current events is Fox News, who doesn’t know the difference between Iran and Iraq- pronounced, of course, “Eye-ran” and “Eye-rack.”  I have so many problems with so much of this, I don’t even know where to start.  I guess the beginning is as good a place as any:

> I’ll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia .

First of all, “I’ll respect your holy book when you respect mine” is not a valid argument. I’m fairly sure the author of this piece has no intention of ever respecting the Quran anyway. I don’t want to assume to know what the author is thinking here, but this sounds like an argument/ talking point used by some people who like to call the US a “Christian nation.” People who aren’t exactly fans of religious freedom themselves. Yes, the Saudi Arabian government isn’t big on religious freedom, but “mere possession” of a Bible isn’t a crime, prosetlyzing is. I’m not trying to minimize their atrocious human rights record, but it seems that some people aren’t swayed by reports of religious persecution unless it’s their religion being persecuted. I doubt some of the people forwarding this message have a problem with overtly Christian prayers before high school football games in Texas or with this.

> In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don’t care.
>
> When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest assured: I don’t care.

You don’t care, housewife in New Jersey? So if young, religiously-committed Muslims who otherwise bore no huge grudges against the US see those pictures and are outraged enough that they decide to join a terrorist group and end up killing people, you don’t care about that? Because I care about that very much. See, winning a war isn’t just about blowing shit up. To really be effective, you need to have the moral high ground. Otherwise, you’re going to get civilians in the country you’ve come to fight in mobilizing against you instead of treating you like the liberating force you think you are. If you’re forcing your prisoners to make naked pyramids and taking pictures of it or violating international law by torturing people, well, you’ve lost your claim to moral superiority. You’ve become what you were supposed to be liberating people from.

> And oh, by the way, I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s spelled “Koran” and other times “Quran.” Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and –you guessed it — I don’t care ! ! ! ! !
>

Well, I care. Partly because I know exactly why it’s spelled different ways- Arabic is written with a different script than English; transliteration conventions vary. I think that’s plenty interesting, but I studied Linguistics. I think it would be cool if we all used the IPA more often. Also, I don’t know whether the writer actually doesn’t care about spelling, or if she (and for all we know, somebody just attached a “Written by a housewife in New Jersey” tag to some wanker’s Free Republic forum post) is just confused by the whole thing and doesn’t want to admit it.

> If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it’ll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior!
>
> If you don’t agree, then by all means hit the delete button.
>
> Should you choose the latter, then please don’t complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great country!
>

WTF to the whole thing. I’m a fan of the whole “six degrees” idea, but do we really think we’re eventually going to get this email to Osama? Seriously? I don’t think anyone who has gotten this email and is forwarding it is friends with anybody in terrorist cells. Plus, maybe they don’t read English so well. And is telling religiously-motivated terrorists you don’t respect or care about their religion going to help? Or make them change their ways? And, for real, are you telling me I’m on the side of terrorism for deleting an email? That I couldn’t be upset if more terror attacks happened in this country because I though this email was ridiculous? You have got to be fucking kidding me, anyone who feels this way.

And now, here’s what you came here for:

> Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you:
> 1. Jesus Christ
> 2. The American G. I.
>
> One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

I beg to differ, email. Here is a partial list of people who have offered to die for me:

Bryan Adams
Nelly
Jon Bon Jovi
Megan McCauley

So there.

For as much as this email pissed me off, it’s a low-scorer on my scale:
Ending with an admonition that if you don’t pass it on, the terrorists have won.

I shouldn’t be surprised that people can be incredibly ignorant, but I really am sometimes.

CCCE: The (Unfathomably Horrible) Little Things

I got this from a friend. It gave me one of those “What the fuck is wrong with you, religious people?” moments. Just read.

The ‘L I T T L E ‘ T hings .

As you might know, the head of a company survived
9/11 because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was
his turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her
alarm clock didn’t go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
because of an auto accident.

One of them
missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
time to change.

One’s
car wouldn’t start.

One went back to
answer the telephone .

One had a
child that dawdled
and didn’t get ready as soon as he should have.

One couldn’t
get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man

who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,

took the various means to get to work

but before he got there, he developed

a blister on his foot.

He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am
stuck in traffic ,
miss an elevator,
turn back to answer a ringing telephone …
all the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
this is exactly where

God wants me to be
at this very moment..







Next time your morning seems to be
going wrong ,



the children are slow getting dressed,
you can’t seem to find the car keys,
you hit every traffic light,
don’t get mad or frustrated;
God is at work watching over you.







May God continue to bless you
with all those annoying little things
and may you remember their possible purpose.







Pass this on to someone else, if you’d like.
There is NO LUCK attached.
If you delete this, it’s okay:
God’s Love Is Not Dependent On
E-Mail !!
(that’s the cool part)







AM EN

Sometimes we need to thank God for unanswered prayers.

Setting aside the graphics and the colors (it took me an hour to get all that color code in there. My brain hurts now.), the message of this is disturbing. Taken at face value “These people are alive because they were exactly where God wanted them to be” isn’t terribly offensive, I suppose. What is offensive is the implication it carries: that the people who died on 9/11 did so because they were exactly where God wanted them to be, too. Hear that, victims’ families? It was their time! Those people who jumped out of the building? That was exactly where God wanted them to be! It was their destiny to die on impact in the plane, be burned to death, fall or jump from the 100th story of a building, or be buried alive in rubble. And that kind of thinking, my friends, is disgusting.

I understand the questions that would go through a survivor’s head. “Why am I alive, when most of the people I worked with and saw during the day aren’t?” But the answer isn’t “I’m special; God was looking out for me that day,” because that suggests that everybody who died wasn’t special. You know, atheists are often called selfish and arrogant, but we’re not the ones going around believing and telling people that we’re so special that there are deities and forces constantly intervening in our everyday lives and conspiring to keep us out of harm’s way. I don’t know; this is something that upsets me about religion in general, and I could rant and rave about it for hours, but it wouldn’t be funny, and I try to keep things light around here. The only positive thing about this email is that it says “pass it along if you want, there’s no luck involved.” That was nice. Let’s score:



Points for:
-Multiple Colors
-Multiple Font Sizes
There were lines that were a different font, but I was already about to go crazy with the colors, so you don’t get those. Sorry. And I think the email itself was in Comic Sans, but I won’t subject you to that.
Me and God Are Like This!
Somebody finally put that video up on Youtube!

This Is an Inside Joke. Ignore This Post.

Jason Riedinger is an ass.

Note to regular readers of this blog:  Just don’t ask.  It’s a long story.

Another Administrative Post

I haven’t gone away, I’ve just been busy with work and some other stuff. I’ve been keeping up with the site’s stats, and I’d like to know who all these people coming to the site by searching “onacrazychain” are. It’s flattering and weird at the same time to be searched by my online handle. I’ll be back to make fun of more emails soon, when my schedule calms the hell down, probably next week sometime.

So kids, Mommy has to leave for a little while. Here are a couple videos for you to watch. And don’t just sit around and eat while I’m gone; I’m making fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy for supper.

Reader-Submitted CCCE: It’s Called The Cradle of Civilization for a Reason

Reader Tamara sends this along. I’ve been mulling over my response to it for a week. Let’s see how I’m doing. All formatting anomalies are present in the source material.









Read down to the very bottom highlighted in green, IT GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS!!! You don’t want to miss this! ((*_*))

VERY INTERESTING-

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq.

2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.

4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.

5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

6. Isaac’s wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq!

7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh – which is in Iraq.

9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

10. Amos cried out in Iraq!

11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.

12. Daniel was in the lion’s den in Iraq!

13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery furnace!)

14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the “writing on the wall” in Iraq.

15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

17. The wise men were from Iraq

18. Peter preached in Iraq.

19. The “Empire of Man” described in Revelation is called Babylon, which was a city in Iraq!

And you have probably seen this one. Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia. The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.

No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated it than Iraq.

And also, this is something to think about! Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages…

The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)

Koran (9:11) – For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.
(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmm?!

I BETTER NOT HEAR OF ANYONE BREAKING THIS ONE OR SEE DELETED This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq. Pass it on to everyone and pray. Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM. This is not a joke one will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you. Do not break this chain. Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes. Go.









I think I can sum up the list of “facts about Iraq” presented in this email this way: A place in the region in which a particular religion developed (and in which the religions from which* that particular religion evolved also developed) figures prominently in the text of the holy book? Who would have expected that?

I don’t really care enough to go through all the bible examples to verify the locations, but I do want to point out that Gilgamesh lived in Iraq, too. He was pretty badass. I’m not sure if this is an example of it, but it looks a lot like the Christian apologist tactic of claiming that the mythology is true because the events happened in real places. The counterargument, which I’m shamelessly ripping off from The Non-Prophets, is that Spiderman takes place in New York, but that doesn’t make Spiderman real.

The problem with this email isn’t the simplistic and possibly not accurate geography lesson; it’s what follows it.

And also, this is something to think about! Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages…

The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)

Koran (9:11) – For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.
(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmm?!

Where to start? There’s the glaring sentence fragment up top, the labeling of the Quran as “The Islamic Bible,” which I’m guessing is not going to win any Muslim friends- is the Bible the “Christian Quran”? Are the Torah and Talmud the “Jewish Vedas”? Then there’s the long-ago debunked fake passage from the Quran. If you believe that one, I’ve got some Nostradamus quatrains for you.

Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM. This is not a joke one will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you.

The twelve-year-old girl promise just wraps it up nicely. And I doubt somebody would decide to call me and say they love me at 11:11 at night. I’m at work then, and I’m much more likely to get a call from someone who wants to tell me that their house is on fire, or their brother just cut his leg off, or that “I need to talk to the Chief about that stupid fuckin’ cop that just gave me a ticket.” But that’s just me and my job.

Hey, let’s score this.

Points for:

Multiple colors

Multiple type sizes

ALL CAPS

Urban legend

Promise of something good/unlikely if the email is passed on to X people in Y minutes

*Yes, I realize all the “(preposition) which” structures in this passage make me look like a total pedantic grammar bitch, but, well, I am.

Got A Problem With My Site?

Say that shit to my face:

Or, more accurately, say it to an automated system that will record it and forward it to me. And then I’ll screen it and see if I’ll allow you to actually call me. And, you know, if you want to call and kiss my ass, feel free to do that, too.